control or release... oni 1 way!! hehehe~~

hihi~~ nothing to do now... trying to blog out rather than of being inside the room studying. damn bored~~ haiz...

As for now, that matter really is troubling me. To CONTROL or to RELEASE. Oh man, it was something "b.i.g" to be decided for the next level.



1st alternative, to CONTROL.

Izit possible to control ur feelings over the person you "l.o.v.e". The answer is, 'yes, of coz you may'. The only problem is that how much it costs to control it. A feel for someone was something that you unexpected and unpredicted. And for a person to control your own feeling for someone was very suffering.. opss, too extreme... i may well say that its painful.

You cant act like wut you usually does, you cant say wut you wanted to say to her, and most of all is that you cant try to love her as how you wanted too. Its like hanging in the air where you cant reach towards heaven and cant drop to the hell. keke~~ nice description rite? between hell and heaven.. like in da movie.. haha! sorry for cold jokes~~ or craps you may assume it to be... ;-)



2nd alternative, to RELEASE.

This is where we are talking about risks involved in it. Ur hearts pumping like hell when after you release or i would say that confess the feeling you have to her. Pray that you'll get favorable rewards, if not... i think your hearts stop pounding adi~~ haha!! means your dead man... dead... in the coffin or cremated into dusk.. hehehe~~

Well, what i wanna say here is that... It is good to release out, rewards are optional, whether you get it onot... it doesnt matter.. wut's important is that you hav the guts and confident to say the 3 words which is ( I L*** Y** )... hahaha!! At least you will have experiences and guess wut, practice makes perfect babe~! no kidding yo~ it really does... try more get more... but not try more die more... plz... dun try it if you hav a weak heart... dun make your frens or family paying for your funeral... cost alot money juz to dispose you out of this world.. haha! crapping oni la... ntg serious ya...

For such matter, i will hand it to time to decide which alternative that should be chosen. time, i really need it... argh!!!!!! fighting with time crisis... damn it!!

Anyhow, the final exam will be haunting me on 12th and 14th DECEMBER 2007.. man, im more affraid of taking exam rather than confessing to a gal... once you fail, you may never turn it back... understand wut im saying.??

So, i would like to wish all those who were having exam a very goodluck and after the finals... its christmas time!! let's party dudes~~~ yuhoo... trying to play santa in this x-mas... dunno got the opportunity onot~ yeah babe!

1 DEC 2007 at 9.30pm

Erm... what I’m gonna write at this moment? Strange things keep playing in my mind and it’s endless. I would hope such things wouldn’t bother me at all but yet, I still dunno what the problem is. It’s all started yesterday when I was going for a movie at leisure mall with C, M and YH. Before the movie I was just as energetic as ever but after the movie finishes, I felt emptiness like I had lose something I always have by my side after finish watching a movie. I still can’t figure it out. There is one thing; I certainly hope that my brain is not playing mind games with me. I just can guess what the problem with me is and I hope that was not true. It had been within me since I attended an event which my society takes part for thumb painting and it’s called “GegarU” that is organized by another campus at PJ.
Ever since that day, my new chapter of life was starting to ignite. And it’s up to me to bear my own DESTINY~

mEng LunG

Hmm~~ what I’m thinking now?

Well, it’s me now blogging here… What izit feels when you know that you had found the “one” you wanted, and you can’t do anything even if you know? Will you release or will you approach her? Such question, take a huge consideration. Decision made here was critical. You could or maybe make the wrong choice. But, if there were chances, will you take it even you know you’re gonna fail? Every step is not reversible. If you go to 1 path, you will stick to that path forever.

Guess what! My answers were to take the risks to approach her. You may want to proceed with it as long as maintaining the condition of your life as now and please remember that when you start, there were be no turning back. But from here, at least you could start to have the responsibility towards every move you made that would impact her.

To my point, you’re so comfortable with her, joke around with her, play around, chatting together and lots more. When you notice that you could get along with her, why don’t you take the risk? You won’t lose anything unless you had done something foolish that will kill your own self.

If it was me, I would take the risk. But it’s better to make sure earlier of how’s her perception of me. Is it good or bad? Or Izit just not something she will think off? You maybe ready and you know what you wanted, but you have to think on her side. Her thoughts mustn’t to be ignored. She is a gal, a human and she have feelings too.

You will be hastily anxious or excited to know her answers and please be reminded that the answers were not as expected by you. You may end up getting “lemons” or an egg rather than joy and happiness. Expect the worse before something bad happen.
Thus, preparation had to be made. If not, you will spoil everything. I’m not confused on what I wanted anymore; in fact, I’m ready to be a superman to strive hard to get what I want. Its just time that everyone needed and its critical to me. I wish that, this would come true like all others outside there~



DraGon

A man of determination

naam yi dong ji keung
nan er dang zi jiang
A man of determination

Defiantly facing the ten thousand layered waves
O hei o siu man chung long

Burning with righteous spirit like this red sunlight
Yit huet yit sing hung yat gwong

Courage like forging iron
Daam si tit da

Character as strong as stainless steel
Gwat ji jing gong

A mind a hundred thousand feet wide
Hung kam baak chin jeung

A vision ten thousand miles long
Ngaan gwong maan lei cheung

I go all out to make the country strong
Sai fen yiu faat ji keung

To be a good Han/Chinese/man.
Jo ho hon

In order to be a good Han/Chinese/man
Jo goh ho hon ji

Every day you must push yourself
Mui tin yiu ji keung

The righteous spirit of a hero
Yit huet naam ji

is like the noonday sun.
bit sing hung yat gwong

Sea and sky yield their power for me to gather
Yeung hoi tin wai ngoh jeui neng leung

Let me fight for my own destiny
Heui hoi tin pik dei

Towards my ideals I will charge
Wai ngoh leiseung heui cheung

Witness the azure waves, tall and vigorous
Hon bik boh go jong

and the azure skies, as broad and vast as my indomitable spirit
yau hon bik hung gwong fut ho hei yeung

I am a man of strength and determination
Gei si naam yi dong ji keung

Stride proudly and stick your chest out everybody be pillars of the nation
On bo ding hung dai ga jok dung leung

Be great heroes
Jo ho hon

Use me to ignite a hundred spirits;
Yung ngoh baak dim yit

Shines outwards like a thousand spectra.
Yiu chut chin fen gwong

To be a good Han/Chinese/man
Jo goh ho hon ji

Ardent and courageous spirit
Yit huet yit cheung yit

Brighter than the sun
Bit sing hung yat gwong

Sea and sky yield their power for me to gather
Yeung hoi tin wai ngoh jeui neng leung

Let me fight for my own destiny
Heui hoi tin pik dei

Towards my ideals I will charge
Wai ngoh leiseung heui cheung

Witness the azure waves, tall and vigorous
Hon bik boh go jong

and the azure skies, as broad and vast as my indomitable spirit
yau hon bik hung gwong fut ho hei yeung

I am a man of strength and determination
Gei si naam yi dong ji keung

Stride proudly and stick your chest out everybody be pillars of the nation
On bo ding hung dai ga jok dung leung

Be good Han/Chinese/men
Jo ho hon

My ambition ignites a hundred spirits;
Yung ngoh baak dim yit

Shines outwards like a thousand spectra.
Yiu chut chin fen gwong

To be a good Han/Chinese/man
Jo goh ho hon ji

Ardent and courageous spirit
Yit huet yit cheung yit

Brighter than the sun
Bit sing hung yat gwong

To be a good Han/Chinese/man
Jo goh ho hon ji

Ardent and courageous spirit
Yit huet yit cheung yit

Brighter than the sun
Bit sing hung yat gwong


Haha… guys, I think all of you out there know what lyric is this. Anyhow, I just post this for fun ya~~ no meaning or what, just is my habit to post something up. =)

YuKi No HaNa~~

A man’s shadow lines the pavement
You walk in the twilight
Always holding my hand
If I’m by your side, I might not have to cry


The winds becomes cold
And I can smell winter
Gradually, in this city
the seasons will change as you come close to them


This year, the first snowflowers bloom
as we draw closer
As I look upon this time
the hapiness overflows in me
If we depend on each other’s love, we’re not weak
I simply, love you
These thoughts are straight from the heart


Whatever happens, as long as I’m with you;
I get the feeling that I can overcome anything
I know we can have this kind of life forever
So I pray that it will continue like this


The wind sways the window
and at night I wake up shivvering
I’ll chance any sadness
by putting a smile on my face


The snowflowers flutter down
outside the window
Though I don’t know why they stop falling
we will dye this city
We may think
“for who’s sake are we doing this?”
But we know it’s because we know love


If you ever get lost
I’ll become a star, and light your path
At night, when you smile, or get wet with tears
I’ll be by your side, always and forever


This year, the first snowflowers bloom
as we draw closer
As I look upon this time
the hapiness overflows in me
If we depend on each other’s love, we’re not weak
It’s simple, I just want to be
with you like this forever
So I can feel your gentleness


Pure white snowflowers,
pilling up in this city
In our hearts, we quickly draw our feels,
I’ll be with you forever, from this moment on...

Certain situation can turn the tides.

There is something that is important to be considered before anything was said or done.
Things that are sensitive and cause confusions around were to be thoroughly think before you judge an action.


When something that is sensitive to you were said, a person should be able to take into consideration of what is said calmly. Feel what is correct and which were not. Any decisions made from this point will changes everything in the future. In result, you may face a good ending or maybe faces a sad ending when everything was all over.

Things were said or done may causes confusion. It should be avoided and not to be thought in “one” mind. That was a wrong thing because it would provoke someone feeling and you may not aware with it. Try to understand what words are to be spoken before you made a mistake. Type words that won’t be a problem to being understood by “one” and words used mustn’t include words that were sensitive to a person. The one make decision to say words would be accountable towards everything and that was a huge wrong whereas it may cause distrust in “one” mind.


Thus, get to know things that another person dislikes and change it. Whether you’re changing or not, it’s up to a person to decide form themselves. If you truly love a person, maybe, you may not even mind what the person had done if things get worse. And if you truly love a person, changing your own attitude was not a hard task to be done. Don’t let negative attitudes to control over yourself. It may cause “all good things turn to an end”.


Try to understand what is happening. Really need to differentiate which is true and which was not. And of coz, understanding from each person was important. You may not even need outside information to determine whether how true a person is to you.


It’s like how I treat "you" as a person. Important or not, it’s up to "you" to decide. I had made my decisions very clear and loudly here. Because it’s easy to place a person’s heart into someone special while it’s hard to get it back. And I’m willing to continue it with my full heart. =)



my name is mEng LunG~~

What I am?

Am I someone that being branded as a person that fools around anytime and everywhere?

Am I a person that treats love relationship as a toy?

Am I a person that has a lot of people understands what I really am?

I really dun have the answer.

1st of all, I’m still wondering who I really am. I still can’t accept the fact that there are a lot of friends or unknown out there that thought I was a person who was always fooling around. I wonder how many cliques I had mix with? The person I mix a lot and was so close is with my gang~~ G, C, EL, M, YH and lastly ER. Other that the people I mention here, I dun think I’m closer to anyone other than them. So how could “one” possibly ask other people about me when I just mix with them? Those answers were not what “one” was searching and yet it may prove to be a fraud. If “one” compared the answers of the people that was close to me such as the above (G, C, EL, M, YH and ER) with those that was just a normal friend, I dun think it would be the same in fact the answer given by close friends were usually treated as a fake. People would think that close friends will help their friends too. But that is true; you mix with someone long enough. Automatically, every step made by you would be notice by them. If not why we called it as “heng tai” if a person dun understands you as what you are? Are they so blinded? I dun think so.

When it was a fake, a lot of people will believe. When something is true, people will not trust. This is something that was already a norm in the society.

So, this is how I’m being branded and soon I will be marketed as a defect product. Isn’t it great? Quality was judge before sending to inspection.

Things that I told “one”, was so true. How could a person that often get hurt by girls suddenly play girls? This was something that would kill me a lot that 9 lives were not enough to cover it up. A person that doesn’t believe usually was influenced by something. Or either, “one” had a bad image of a person before anything starts and maybe “one” did not have enough confident on a person. “One” should have his/her own perception of the person and judge someone not through listening to others, it would be best to explore what kind of person he/she is. And also, emotion drags into someone to be so harsh and so hurt in their words. That is how misunderstanding occurs as word was gushing out too painful to accept. Emotions play a killing role if the person was so particular in words used by “one” and “one” doesn’t think of he/she was bound to say. The victim only can listen and any reply or answering to her words will be ignored in such stage. It’s good to avoid someone that was to emotionally intact, then the person will not being hurt deeply.

Anyhow, it’s up to how you guys will think about me. I dun give a f*** of how you guys think either. I just will be what I am. No f*** at all. If you think that I’m bad, go to h***. I don’t need you to judge me as what kinda person I am. I know myself very clear than anyone else. And remember, my name is mEng LunG. I’m not other people. Please remember that. Remember what a person told you and remember how the past of a person is before you could judge that person. If not, you will end up being taken away by a word we called as misunderstanding. I appreciate my friends around me especially those were very close to me. I dun need to tell anything to them, they just know my nature automatically even without communication. I love you guys. Friends forever. ^_^

DraGoN

understanding~~

Hi all~~ it’s me again blogging in the same date I guess~

Sometime, when you’re starting to try to love someone there is a lot things that you’ll need to think deeply.

The main thing is whether the person is really what you wanted. It’s hard to determine which person you should choose at the beginning where everything was fresh. The only way is to ask your heart that will always proves to be effective. If not, you’ll have to test. Each person has different thinking and personality. Some people tend to be very mad at you for testing them and some people can figure out what your gonna do in testing a person.
It’s a matter of how you do it and how efficient you are when you’re testing someone.


It’s not good to have a positive sign generated from a person; it’s preferable if a person shows you negative signs. It shows that how much a person cares for every step that you made. And by then, u would notice that which person that you are really starting to fall for and you will go straight right to his/her without anymore considerations. You would care more of the person as you know that you had hurt someone’s feelings. From this, you can learn. Learn more about understanding your love ones and even further and deep enough for you to fall for. Understanding or communicating are very important, any problems occurs from it will cause a huge failure.


Usually people tend to choose someone that was near and had known for quite sometime.

You know what type of attitude a person has,

You know any weaknesses and strength a person has and

You know the whole background of what the person has.


Try to think back whether steps made by a person have reasons behind it; you may not know why a person does the wrong step and still going through the path. It is all for you to discover. And when you made it, it would be a relief for you to be able to have someone for yourself.




DraGon

Haiz… new sem starts with a new beginning. Once again, some friends were separated due to the elective subject of this sem. At this moment, new assignment groups had been established and old ones will be separated (not all). In my elective subject, I join a 4 new members group. It was fascinating. We all had a lot differences but we still manage to get on to our case study analysis and our group assignment analysis. Surprisingly is that, our determination to finish up our assignment are highly enthusiasm. Huh~! So happy to know that our group can start to merge together, although it’s a short time but at least we had been together before. Every group ends up with different results; it’s either a good or bad result.
There is a lot things keep playing in my mind. I really don’t know what is happening to my brain. It keeps generating unnecessary “impulse” and that is killing me. Damn it~
But lucky I had found the greatest problem. It’s the old same problem I had during my year 2 life, bout financial and friendship problem. It’s suxs. Both of them are spinning in my head. But what to do, if there is no problem in our lives, life would be boring and no challenge at all. Haha! Wut da heck~
Anyway, I just need support.
Support from someone I always wanna chat on the phone.
Someone that had been hurt before and that would stand up now to intake other problems.
Someone that has a strong will in life.
Support from you would change everything. Maybe you don’t feel that it’s important but to ME, IT IS. It's just depend on how you think your support will be important to a person that needed it the most.
As for now, let time be the factor to determine which decision I made was the correct choice.
DraGoN ;-)

All good things come into an end~~ yeah!

All good things come into an end and yet I’m so happy bout it~~




The feel seems like I’m released from a place of sadness and confusion and now into the wide blue ocean. The breeze was blowing strong into me, awakening me from the despair.


Incidents after incidents pass and now are the time to accept any new obligation into me again. No more thinking of what happen in the past, it’s more into improving my past to survive in the future. When there is a determination, there will be a hope for survival. If you don’t have the determination, you’ll end up dying even before you start. To fight is to survive~~ yeah!




There is a song lyric from “trinity blood”. I guess its familiar among anime fans. The song’s title is “Broken Wings”. This song really reflects a lot thing that had happened on me. It was a mirror of life to me. I like so much about the chorus of this song.





“My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with,



My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind?




Across the sky, just keep on flying.”





Haha...


Things happen are already over, now its time to end this feeling. Let the heart open and feels come in and stimulates me around. Let the beautiful color light up my life again.

my love~~

I love you very much~~ I don’t know how much I loved you and how deep I love you... I really felt that you’re the right person for me... at least, the most perfect person for me...

You told me a lot thing about yourself although those things are not on the good side... to love a person, we have to ignore the past of that particular person... I have my dark age too... if you could accept me for such person, why dun I accept you for being that kind of a person... to love someone, I really just love you for who you are and not anything else... if your a bad type of person, I dun even care about it... as long as I got to take care of you, sitting beside you and watch you smile and be happy... that's all what I need... sometimes when you told me about going clubbing or what, I hope can stop you... but I’m not your anyone... I’m just your friend; it's just that I really care for your safety... I don't want you to get into trouble and the most important is that I don’t want anything bad happen to you...

Seriously, if there is something happen to you... I wouldn’t go on with my life anymore... life would be meaningless if without u by my side... it would be hard to me to survive...

Actually, I continue my studies for you... I know that your not that good in your studies... that had make me to have a mission for staying back in year 3... I don’t want you to be a failure... I don’t want you to suffer in your life... so that day when you ask me to edit your assignment... I really put my whole effort for that assignment to ensure that you will obtain high assignment marks and as well as high in coursework marks... I want you to be success... As long as you’re happy with what you had achieved... I will be happy too...

Now, I just wanted you to finish your studies… I hope you can make it until you’re graduated from the university... I don’t hope to be anyone important in your life... just that if u could SMS or call me, telling me any news about you and that's just enough for me...

So, I will help you at any cost!! I won’t let you down~~~ trust me... you can count on me... as long as that thing makes you happy... I would be ready to sacrifice anything for you to make sure you will have better life... and of coz, I don’t want anything in return from you... not anything from you... I don’t want to gain rewards by helping you... I volunteer to help you... I don’t want you to be my love too... simply for better understanding, I don’t want you to be important in my life... you just carry on to be a happy person... and of coz, I wanted you to take care of yourself... at least be more healthier, don’t get starved too... you always wanted to be slim... but for me, your just too gorgeous... too perfect now.. So why you wanted to make something perfect to be imperfect... women are hard to understand... trust me~~~ my eyes wont lie to me… what I had saw and told you… that was all my true feeling for you…

I learn a lot thing from you…

The 1st thing I learned is to really and deeply love someone. This was the happiest thing ever happen to me. I really loved a person and I loved her so much… I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me… and I was glad to love someone, at least I understand the feeling of loving someone~~ see, my heart won’t lie to me too… I follow my heart, it gives me any signal… I will just follow

The 2nd thing is that when you love someone, please don’t assume the opposite party will have the same feeling towards you… u cant assume something like this, you must explore… explore until you had found the right answer, the answer will satisfy you although you maybe ended up with a sad story… please, dun ever have 1 sided love… you will be in trouble if you do that!!

The 3rd thing is to sacrifice. Sacrifice anything to gain your love ones. Time, money, health and a lot more… it’s very worth to love someone if you compare with those… I still remember when I have assignments, and final exams… I still go find you and teach you the subject that I didn’t studied before… its hard, but I felt great… if proves that I’m capable into handling an unfamiliar subject within a few hours… I still can arrange the busiest time in order to have you accompanied too…

The last thing is the experience for me to love someone. Although it didn’t go like what I had planned, but at least I know what to do next when I appear to be in loved with another person… I know when to be there with you and not with you…

So, this blog… I hope you didn’t see it… I just post up so that someone else could understand me more… at least understand how serious I am in my life… not just because I always smile will means that I doesn’t have any problems in my life… I hope I will be in loved with someone else… hehe~~~ waiting now, don’t know who’s the new target now… but of coz I have someone listed in my mind… haha! Hope one of them will be my gal~~
If not then I think I better graduate and find a nice job… by that time, hope can improve myself… I will be better and better, even better to win the hearts of the particular person… trust me!! Everything can settle!! No fear~!!


vErGiL ;-)